Fixes EVERY. LAST. PROBLEM.
// ==UserScript==
// @name Heaven's Gate Website Patch
// @namespace http://tampermonkey.net/
// @version 0.3
// @description Fixes EVERY. LAST. PROBLEM.
// @author Colin Reid
// @match http://heavensgate.com/
// @grant none
// ==/UserScript==
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("Brings Closure to:", "g"), "Says Kill Yourself for:");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("or not is irrelevant from our perspective.", "g"), "or not is irrelevant because we say so.");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("The joy is that our Older Member in the Evolutionary Level Above Human", "g"), "The joy is that our Alien Death God");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("the time for the arrival of the spacecraft from the Level Above Human", "g"), "the time for the arrival of the imaginary UFO from the Asshole of Man");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("Our Position Against Suicide", "g"), "Our Position Against Suicide (Even Though We Still Did It)");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("How and When HEAVEN'S GATE May Be Entered", "g"), "Too Bad, You're Too Late");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("Last Chance To Advance Beyond Human", "g"), "Last Chance To Join Our Death Cult");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("Earth Exit Statements by Students", "g"), "Earth Exit Statements by Students (AKA Creepy Suicide Notes in Video Form)");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp(" Returns to Level Above Human", "g"), " Returns to Hell, Where We Undoubtedly Came From");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("The Simple Bottom Line", "g"), "The Simple Bottom Line Is to Take Kids From Their Parents and Tell Them To Commit Suicide, Surely Causing Pain for Their Loved Ones");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("Overview of Present Mission", "g"), "Overview of Present Mission to End It All");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("May Be Entered", "g"), "May Enter You");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("If you study the material on this website you will hopefully understand our joy and what our purpose here on Earth has been.", "g"), "If you study the material on this website you will hopefully understand our joy and what our purpose here on Earth has been: to buy a bunch of purple Nikes and end it all.");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("boarding pass", "g"), "quotation marks");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("You may even find your", "g"), "You may notice the amount of");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("to leave with us during this brief", "g"), "we use to convey our");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("window", "g"), "message");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("excerpt from our book", "g"), "excerpt from our shitty pulp book");
document.body.innerHTML = document.body.innerHTML.replace(new RegExp("", "g"), "");