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XKCD Text Replacer

Replaces text (mostly) according to http://xkcd.com/1288/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1625/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1679/ , as well as http://www.xkcd.com/821/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1004/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1025/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1031/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1418/ . This script is just an update of https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/1322-xkcd-text-replacer

  1. // ==UserScript==
  2. // @name       XKCD Text Replacer
  3. // @version    2.1
  4. // @description  Replaces text (mostly) according to http://xkcd.com/1288/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1625/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1679/ , as well as http://www.xkcd.com/821/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1004/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1025/ , http://www.xkcd.com/1031/ , and http://www.xkcd.com/1418/ . This script is just an update of https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/1322-xkcd-text-replacer
  5. // @match      http://*/*
  6. // @require		http://code.jquery.com/jquery-latest.js
  7. // @namespace https://greasyfork.org/en/users/43235-mind-combatant
  8. // ==/UserScript==
  9.  
  10. GM_addStyle(".xkcd_replaced:hover { text-decoration:underline; }");
  11.  
  12. var array = {
  13.     "witnesses": "dudes I know",
  14.     "allegedly": "kinda probably",
  15.     "new study": "Tumblr post",
  16.     "rebuild": "avenge",
  17.     "space": "spaaace",
  18.     "Google Glass": "Virtual Boy",
  19.     "smartphone": "Pokédex",
  20.     "electric": "atomic",
  21.     "senator": "elf-lord",
  22.     "car": "cat",
  23.     "election": "eating contest",
  24.     "congressional leaders": "river spirits",
  25.     "Homeland Security": "Homestar Runner",
  26.     "could not be reached for comment": "is guilty and everyone knows it",
  27.     "debate": "dance-off",
  28.     "self driving": "uncontrollably swerving",
  29.     "poll": "psychic reading",
  30.     "candidate": "airbender",
  31.     "drone": "dog",
  32.     "vows to": "probably won't",
  33.     "at large": "very large",
  34.     "successfully": "suddenly",
  35.     "expands": "physically expands",
  36.     "first-degree": "friggin' awful",
  37.     "second-degree": "friggin' awful",
  38.     "third-degree": "friggin' awful",
  39.     "an unknown number": "like hundreds",
  40.     "front runner": "blade runner",
  41.     "global": "spherical",
  42.     "years": "minutes",
  43.     "minutes": "years",
  44.     "no indication": "lots of signs",
  45.     "urged restraint by": "drunkenly egged on",
  46.     "horsepower": "tons of horsemeat",
  47.     "gaffe": "magic spell",
  48.     "ancient": "haunted",
  49.     "star-studded": "blood-soaked",
  50.     "remains to be seen": "will never be known",
  51.     "silver bullet": "way to kill werewolves",
  52.     "subway system": "tunnels I found",
  53.     "surprising": "surprising (but not to me)",
  54.     "war of words": "interplanetary war",
  55.     "tension": "sexual tension",
  56.     "cautiously optimistic": "delusional",
  57.     "Doctor Who": "The Big Bang Theory",
  58.     "win votes": "find Pokémon",
  59.     "behind the headlines": "beyond the grave",
  60.     "email": "poem",
  61.     "Facebook post": "poem",
  62.     "tweet": "poem",
  63.     "Facebook CEO": "this guy",
  64.     "latest": "final",
  65.     "disrupt": "destroy",
  66.     "meeting": "ménage à trois",
  67.     "scientists": "Channing Tatum and his friends",
  68.     "you won't believe": "I'm really sad about",
  69.     "I think that": "I saw a study once that said",
  70.     "Batman": "a man dressed like a bat",
  71.     " would be a good name for a band": ".tumblr.com",
  72.     "keyboard": "leopard",
  73.     "force": "horse"
  74. };
  75. $(function(){
  76.     $("body")
  77.     	.find("*")
  78.         .contents()
  79.         .filter(function() {
  80.             return this.nodeType === 3; //Node.TEXT_NODE
  81.         })
  82.         .each(function(){
  83.             var text = $(this).text();
  84.             for (var val in array){
  85.             	text = text.replace(new RegExp("\\b" + val + "\\b", "gi"), "<span class='xkcd_replaced' title='" + val + "'>" + array[val] + "</span>");
  86.             }
  87.             $(this).replaceWith(text);
  88.     });
  89. });
  90.